remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
