i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
