just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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