after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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