Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
