She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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