dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
