He disabled his match.com account in front of me
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
