How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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