i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
