I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
