He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
