I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
