Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
