She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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