yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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