I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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