I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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