my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
