last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Your cock deserves a montage
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize