How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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