Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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