I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
