how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize