My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
