So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
