When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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