New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
