we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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