My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
false alarm, still single
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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