...so i touched it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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