I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
