His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
