Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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