i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
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I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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