Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
