You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
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You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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