Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
