Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Randomize
