The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
