Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
