It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
