the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
