At least make sure they are 18
Why
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
