when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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