its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
