You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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