tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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