well I can't set my house on fire every night
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
