Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
