Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
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It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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