she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
