why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
