My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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