I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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