Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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