i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
