When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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