You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
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I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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