So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
