I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
